Weasel Substitute
by The Eds Rock
Summary: After Carly moves to Italy and Tripp starts college, Spencer meets Derek, Burger & Ash and becomes Iron Weasel's new lead guitarist.
1. Pilot

**WEASEL SUBSTITUTE**

Chapter 1

After Carly moved to Italy with her dad, Spencer started feeling lonely. He didn't see Sam or Freddie as often anymore, mostly because they were busy and it would've been weird for him to hang out with them without Carly around. Spencer didn't have anyone else (besides Socko) to hang out with so he decided to move out of his apartment and into his own house.

After moving out of Bushwell Plaza and into his new home, Spencer started spending all his time working on his sculptures. He got bored eventually and wished for some friends, preferably ones his own age. One day, Spencer got his wish.

Tripp graduated from high school and had to quit the band because of college. Without Tripp in their band, Derek, Burger &amp; Ash had to go back to living in their van. They needed a new lead guitarist so they decided to arrange another "Meet Iron Weasel" radio contest.

Spencer was a huge Iron Weasel fan. He entered the contest and won the chance to spend an afternoon with the band. Derek, Burger &amp; Ash traveled to Seattle so they could meet Spencer. When they arrived at his house, they parked the van, walked up to the front door and knocked on it. A few seconds later, Spencer opened the door.

"WEASELS IN THE HOUSE!" Derek, Burger &amp; Ash exclaimed in unison.

"Iron Weasel?" Spencer asked excitedly.

"In the flesh," Burger replied.

"Awesome! C'mon in,"

Derek, Burger &amp; Ash entered the house. Then, Spencer closed the door behind them.

"Nice place you got here, dude," Burger complimented as he looked around the living room.

"Thanks," Spencer replied.

"I suppose we should introduce ourselves," Derek said. "I'm Derek Jupiter, the lead singer of Iron Weasel, and these are my bandmates, Burger Pitt and Ash Tyler. Burger is our bass player and Ash is our drummer."

"I'm Spencer Shay. I'm a huge Iron Weasel fan,"

"It's always nice to meet a fan. Since you won our radio contest, you have the honor of spending the afternoon with us,"

"What do you wanna do first?" Ash asked.

"Well, I'm working on a sculpture," Spencer said. "Do you guys wanna help me with it?"

"Sure. What're you making?" Burger asked.

"A giant macaroni man," Spencer answered.

"Cool! Are you using cheese for glue?" Ash asked.

"No, but we can try,"

* * *

The four men worked on the macaroni man for a while. Then, Spencer showed Derek, Burger &amp; Ash some of his other sculptures. The band was so impressed by the sculptures that they complimented them and told Spencer he was a great artist.

"Watch this, guys," Spencer said. He lifted up his shirt, rubbed his belly and made weird noises.

"Whoa! Where'd you learn that?" Ash wondered.

"My buddy, Socko, taught me,"

"Let me try,"

Ash lifted up his shirt, rubbed his belly and made weird noises.

"My turn," Burger said. He copied what Spencer did.

"You guys are doing it wrong. Let a professional show you how it's done," Derek said. He also copied what Spencer did.

"Let's do it at the same time now," Spencer suggested.

The group of four lifted up their shirts, rubbed their lower stomachs and made more weird noises. Then, they shared a group laugh.

"That was awesome," Ash commented.

"We should try doing that at our next gig," Burger suggested.

"Do you guys wanna stay for dinner? I can make spaghetti tacos," Spencer offered.

"What are spaghetti tacos?" Ash asked.

"They're tacos with spaghetti, Captain Obvious," Derek replied.

"Sounds great!"

* * *

Spencer, Derek, Burger &amp; Ash were in the kitchen, sitting at the table and having dinner.

"Man, these spaghetti tacos are delicious," Burger commented.

"You must really like 'em. You've already eaten five," Spencer pointed out.

"Burger never gets full. He'll eat everything," Ash explained.

"Better keep that macaroni man away from him or he'll eat it," Derek joked.

"I wouldn't do that," Burger protested. He paused for a moment. "On second thought, yeah, maybe I would."

"I heard you guys are looking for a new lead guitarist," Spencer mentioned. "I'm available and if you want, we can go to my garage and jam to one of your songs."

"Well, we can't just let anyone in the band. We need to interview you first," Derek said. "How old are you?"

"Thirty-one,"

"Can you play the guitar?"

"Yeah,"

"Alright, we'll have a jam session and see how good you are. We'll even let you pick the song,"

"Alright! Can we play 'Pull My Finger'? That one's my favorite," Spencer said.

"Interesting bit of trivia about that song. It's about farting," Ash mentioned.

* * *

In Spencer's garage, he and the band were playing "Pull My Finger". Derek was singing, Spencer was playing the lead guitar, Burger was playing the bass guitar and Ash was playing the drums.

"Whoa! That was sick, guys," Spencer commented when they finished the song.

"Man, Spencer, you can really shred on that guitar!" Ash complimented.

"Yeah, Spencer, you made that guitar scream!" Burger added. "It was like AAAAAHHHHH but it was more like a guitar and less like some dude screaming in a garage."

"I have to admit that was very impressive," Derek complimented. "You're not just a great artist, you're a great rockstar too."

"So, I'm in the band?" Spencer asked.

The band sighed and exchanged glances. Then, they faced Spencer and Derek finally exclaimed, "Welcome to Iron Weasel, Spencer!".

"Yes!" Spencer cheered.

Derek, Burger &amp; Ash cheered as well and started playfully pushing him. Spencer enjoyed it at first but then, he soon got tired of it.

"GUYS!" he shouted, making them stop.

"What?" Derek, Burger &amp; Ash asked in unison.

"That's enough,"

"Okay,"

"So, what kinda rock band stuff are we gonna do first?" Spencer asked.

There was a short silence. Derek, Burger &amp; Ash were kind of hesitant to tell Spencer the truth about their music career.

"Uhhh..." the three of them began.

"That is s a good question," Derek said. "The thing is we haven't been doing too well in the music business. It's been years since our last album. We don't have gigs...or money...or fame...or girls...or anything."

"Dude, for the record, all that stuff's hard to hear out loud even though it's true," Burger commented.

"We lived in our van for seven years before we moved in with Tripp," Ash said. "He was our last lead guitarist, by the way."

"Doesn't he go to high school?" Spencer asked.

"He's actually in college now," Burger corrected. "That's why he quit the band."

"Oh,"

"We've been trying to make a comeback for a long time but we haven't had much luck," Derek continued. "We had to go back to living in the van after Tripp left."

"Living in the van sucks," Burger said. "We sleep on the floor, do radio contests for free meals and bathe by running naked through the carwash."

"Wow, that really does suck," Spencer agreed.

"It's not so bad once you get used to it," Ash replied.

Spencer felt bad for his bandmates and wanted to help them. "Well, you guys are welcome to move in with me," he told them. "I can try to help you with your comeback and if you want, you can help me with my sculptures."

"Sounds good to me," Burger agreed.

"Me, too," Ash agreed.

"You really mean it, Spencer?" Derek asked. "You'd let us move in with you even though we're not very popular?"

"Yeah. I don't care if you guys aren't popular," Spencer replied. "All I want are some friends. I'm not popular either 'cause people think I'm weird."

There was another short silence. Derek, Burger &amp; Ash felt bad for Spencer after hearing that.

"We don't think you're weird, Spencer," Burger replied.

"Yeah, bro. We actually think you're really cool," Ash complimented.

"And fun too," Derek added.

Spencer was glad to hear that. "Thanks, guys. That means a lot," he said. "There is one thing you should know though."

"What is it?" Ash asked.

"I used to live in an apartment with my sister, Carly," Spencer explained. "She's in Italy with our dad right now and I moved here after she left. I don't know when Carly's coming back, it could be years from now, but when she does come back, I may have to leave the band 'cause I'm her guardian and it's the responsible thing to do. Is that okay?"

"That's alright," Derek replied. "We'll enjoy the time we have."

* * *

That night, Spencer set up a triple bunk bed in his guestroom for Derek, Burger &amp; Ash. After that, it was getting late and the four of them were ready to go to bed.

"Thanks for your hospitality, Spencer," Derek said.

"We really appreciate it," Burger added.

"No prob. I'm really lookin' forward to hangin' out with you guys," Spencer said.

"Same here," Ash replied.

"Goodnight,"

"Goodnight," Derek, Burger &amp; Ash said in unison.

Spencer left the guestroom and walked into his own bedroom. Then, he climbed into his bed and started thinking about all the adventures he and the band were going to have.


	2. Episode 1: Part 1

**WEASEL SUBSTITUTE**

Chapter 2

One day, Spencer, Derek, Burger &amp; Ash were in the living room and they were about to play a game. They had a ping-pong table set up in the living room. Spencer and Ash were on one end of the table while Derek and Burger were on the other end.

"Lads, today is a historic day in sports," Derek announced. "We've spent two years developing this game and refining the rulebook."

"Technically, it's only been a week 'cause I've only been in the band for a week," Spencer corrected.

"Right. Welcome to the inaugural match of..."

Burger cupped his hands and imitated a trumpet fanfare.

"BOWLING BALL PONG!" Derek exclaimed as he held a ping-pong paddle in one hand and a bowling ball in the other hand.

Spencer, Burger &amp; Ash cheered as they prepared to play. Derek tossed the ball up into the air and before he could hit it, the ball fell through the table and left a hole in it.

"What do we do now?" Spencer asked.

"Let's consult the rulebook," Burger suggested. He picked up a book that was really thick and heavy and dropped it onto the table. The book fell through the table and left another hole in it.

"Well, that was a week well spent," Spencer commented.

Just then, the doorbell rang. The four men walked up to the front door and opened it, revealing Bleed.

"BLEED IS BACK!" Bleed exclaimed.

"Go away, Bleed!" Burger ordered angrily as he slammed the door in Bleed's face.

"That was Bleed? Iron Weasel's original lead guitarist?" Spencer asked in surprise. He opened the door again.

"BLEED IS IN THE HOUSE!" Bleed exclaimed.

Derek slammed the door in Bleed's face. "Spencer, we hate Bleed. He only cares about himself," Derek informed.

"So do you," Spencer argued.

"No, I care about _my_self. He cares about _him_self. It's disgusting,"

"C'mon, guys. Bleed's cool. I've always wanted to meet him," Spencer said before opening the door again.

"Where's the love for Bleed?" Bleed asked.

Ash slammed the door in Bleed's face. "We had to kick him outta the band 'cause he's a two-faced backstabber," Ash informed.

"What'd he do?" Spencer asked.

Derek, Burger &amp; Ash told him the story of how Bleed stole money from them.

"That was a long time ago. Maybe, he's changed," Spencer replied.

"No! Nobody changes!" Derek interrupted. "A zebra doesn't change its stripes, a leopard doesn't change its spots and Burger doesn't change his underwear."

"True that," Burger agreed.

Spencer opened the door again but this time, he noticed Bleed was gone. "Where'd Bleed go?" Spencer wondered.

Bleed entered the living room through the kitchen entrance. "The back door was open!" Bleed exclaimed.

Spencer, Derek, Burger &amp; Ash walked over to him.

"What're you doing here, Bleed?" Derek asked angrily. "We thought you left the band for good after Tripp beat you in that guitar battle."

"I did but I heard Tripp's not in the band anymore and I wanted to meet the new guy," Bleed explained.

"Hey, Bleed," Spencer greeted. "I'm Spencer. I started playing the guitar 'cause of you. You're my second idol."

"Oh, Spencer, the honor's all mine," Bleed replied. He realized what Spencer said. "Wait. _Second_ idol? Who's your first?"

"Harry Joyner. He's the reason I became an artist,"

"Never heard of him,"

"Alright, Bleed. You met Spencer and he met you. It's time for you to go now," Derek said impatiently.

"You're not gettin' rid of me that easily, Jupiter," Bleed retorted. "I brought a friend over this time."

"Really? Who?" Ash asked.

"WHERE ARE YOU, IRON WEASEL? I'M GONNA DESTROY YOU!" a deep voice from outside shouted.

Derek, Burger &amp; Ash recognized the voice and became scared. "Oh, no," they groaned in unison.

Ernesto entered the living room through the front door. "THERE YOU ARE!" he shouted angrily.

"ERNESTO!" Derek, Burger &amp; Ash shouted in fear.

"Ernesto the Besto?" Spencer asked in surprise as he approached Ernesto. "Iron Weasel's former roadie and Mixed Martial Arts fighter?"

"That's me," Ernesto replied. "Who are you?"

"I'm Spencer. I'm the band's new lead guitarist,"

"Nice to meet you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna beat your bandmates into a pulp!"

Derek, Burger &amp; Ash screamed and ran out of the room. Ernesto started to chase them but Spencer stopped him.

"Ernesto, wait!" Spencer interrupted.

"What is it?" Ernesto asked impatiently.

"Watch this," Spencer said. He lifted up his shirt, rubbed his belly and made weird noises. "Now, you try it."

Ernesto stared awkwardly at Spencer. "That's stupid. Why would I wanna do that?" he asked.

"Well, the guys liked it and I thought maybe you would too," Spencer replied.

"If I do it, will you get outta my way?"

"Uh...sure,"

"Fine," Ernesto said reluctantly. He lifted up his shirt, rubbed his belly and made weird noises. "How was that?" Ernesto noticed Spencer was gone. "Where'd he go?"

"He ran off," Bleed answered. "He was trying to distract you."

"Dang! Alright, let's find those guys,"


End file.
